For All of You...

...who thought


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she looked


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like her Daddy.

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In.Yo.Face!!

You Give Me A Reason....

.....a reason to stay.

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I have been fighting a battle within myself for a few months now.

Will I stay home with my Little's or go back to the madness that is work?



I remember in 4th grade, we had a writing assignment about what we wanted to be when we grew up....I wanted to be a mom. A stay at home mom was my dream....at 9 years old I wanted to be a S.A.H.M.

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"How about a doctor or a teacher? Or how about a secretary or a lawyer"?? These were the questions that my 4th grade teacher asked when I told her my dreams. "You can be a mommy, but you need to pick a career, too".

She didn't get it.

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Flash forward to "career day" the next year. "What are you gonna dress up as?"....my best friend asked. "I'm gonna be a vet....you should be a vet, too".....and so I dressed up as a vet.....with my stethoscope and my side pony tail and my pound puppy in my arms. Because.....how do you dress up as a mom?

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I finished school, I started college.....but then, then I realized....I didn't want to be a vet or a doctor or a secretary. What I wanted was simple.

I wanted you.


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Grayson and Rylee.



I wanted to be your mom. I wanted to have babies and stay home and raise you and teach you things that can't be taught in school or a Mother's Day
Out program.
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing I wanted to take you to the farmer's market and let you taste fresh blueberries and I wanted to take you to the library and feed you my love for books and I wanted to show you how majestic our God is by letting you feel the wind in your face as you soar through the air on a swing at the park. High in the sky, like a bird, so high. I want to show you everything.....I want to give you everything. Not things that can be taught in school but things that can be taught by living.

I want to be the "June Clever Mom" that has dinner on the table by 6:30....and we all sit together and eat together and pray together,
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printingwhile listening to Wheel of Fortune in the background...even if one of us is only 2 months old and sitting in a Papasan Chair gnawing on her fists.

My heart smiles when I hear my "first little" thank God for "spoons and forks and lights in our house and Baby Sissy's sassies to keep her quiet, amen"...AMEN, son. God is SO good!

After 31 years of life, he has answered EVERY prayer that I have ever needed. Notice that I didn't say "wanted". Can you imagine? What if He had answered the one about me marrying my high school sweetheart? You wouldn't be here. What if He had answered the one about me making captain of the drill team? You wouldn't be here. What if He had answered the one about "please, oh please let me get the management position with The Cheesecake Factory"? You wouldn't be here.

(Psalm 139 NLT): Oh Lord, You have searched me and You know me.


Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing"All you have ever wanted to do was to stay home and raise our babies"....this is what your Daddy said to me a few weeks ago, "Why then, are you fighting it?"

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Your Daddy asks me this every day. The Lord has blessed us with Daddy's job. He is doing VERY well. And the struggle continues between us because I'm so afraid that something may happen with his job and we will have to depend solely on me.

This is the devil talking. Our Father is providing for us and the devil is telling me that He will not provide.

An epic battle. And after much fighting, I gave in.

Your Daddy is right.


I told my boss this past Friday that I'm not coming back. After 7 years with the same company.....13 years of bartending....I'm done.

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To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life — that is indeed a gift from God.
(Eccl. 5:19 NLT)

I gave in.
The Bible makes it abundantly clear that God wants us to enjoy our work. Solomon puts it plainly when he says, "To enjoy your work…that is indeed a gift from God" (Eccl. 5:19 NLT). This is a common theme throughout the Book
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing of Ecclesiastes. Solomon also writes, "That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God" (Eccl. 3:13).


Don't assume that you have to settle for doing distasteful and unfulfilling work all your life. Yes, there may be times when we might have to endure some periods of doing work we dislike, but our prayer and our goal should be to spend most of our lives doing the kind of work that gives us joy.

This really spoke to me.

One of my regular prayers for myself and our family is, "Lord, please enable us to earn a good living doing what we love to do most." I also pray that God will help us to do our part in the fulfillment of this prayer. One way we can cooperate with the Lord to this end is to seek His guidance daily, depending on Him to keep us in His perfect will. When we're doing what God has called us to do, we will experience a peace, joy, and satisfaction that will be missing when we're out of His will.

After talking to my sweet cousin and listening to her decision to leave her work and stay home, it really made me open my eyes to what I truly wanted.

The more I pray about it the more I realize that for our family to be happy and prosperous (not just financially) I need to be home. I want to take care of my babies, I want to take care of your Daddy and be obedient (yes, I said want), and I want to be the pillar of our home. In less heroic terms this means I want to do laundry, wash dishes, feed my babies, change diapers, cook for you and Daddy, welcome your Daddy home when he shows up after a long day at work, show you all how a Godly wife and Mommy acts, ect. I want to do all of that with a smile on my face.

I realize that not everyday will be all sunshine and roses. I realize that many days I will be sleep deprived and filled with doubt, jealousy, and burden. I also realize that God notices this and scripture tells us about enjoying our labor. It's something I would have to focus on everyday. The bible states that it is a woman's duty to focus on the home and it is the husband's duty to provide for the family.




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1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Grayson & Rylee....you have always been the reason....for everything.

Dear Rylee~

I hold you -

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A.Lot.

And it is now second nature to wipe counters, apply lipstick, cook dinner, pulldownpantswipeyourbrothersheinypulluppants, wash hands, type, etc. with one hand while the other engulfs your perfect little body. And I am loving how this little body settles right into that hollow nook between my hip and the inside of my elbow, and when you get sleepy, that body sinks a little heavier and your head burrows a little deeper and your shallow breathing settles into a deep "hmpppphhhhh" when you're finally out. And the whole process accelerates my heart just a little more.


And, newborn is fleeting, as newborn does.

I'm grasping and yet, at the same time, basking...in big, inquisitive eyes. Eyes that scan the room for my voice the moment you hear it.


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Yes, love, your brand-new stage of newborn is fleeting, and I find myself holding you, envisioning sand in an hourglass...just trickling out of my hands, and I can't hold on to it tight enough.


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Big, big yawn!

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And, as you're slowly slipping from newborn to baby, I am soaking up every bit of it, chanting "stay little, stay little, stay little" all the while.



Rylee, you are simply delicious.

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At two months old, you are turning into quite the little roly poly, my love. I have lost count of all the little wrinkles in your thighs.

You have become fascinated with your sweet, little hands and must always have them in your mouth.
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You are wearing size 1 diapers and 0-3 month clothes...but not for long, little bug. We went to see Dr. Terry today and you are almost 12 delicious lbs!! I couldn't believe it! You are 23 inches long and your head is 15.5 inches. You are in the 65th-70th percentile for everything.

You were such an angel....smiling and cooing for the nurses and they thought your little outfit was precious!
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo PrintingAfter a long chat with Dr. Terry, she made me feel at ease about your vaccinations. I've never had anyone take the time to explain them all and why some are so much more important than others at certain ages. She gave me the option of doing a restricted schedule, but after hearing that just last month alone, we have had an extremely high outbreak of Pertussis (whooping cough) in our county, and that just less than 5 years ago, they took out 95% of the side effects caused by the DTP shot...I decided that yes, we would do ALL your shots on schedule. Mommy learned so much from Dr. Terry, today. I'm so happy that we found her! The way she scoops you up and nuzzles you close....just like Mommy, ah...truly blesses my heart! And the way she talks to me, it feels as though we have been friends forever!

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Your leaky tear duct has fixed itself and we can now see the beautiful, midnight blue eyes that God gave you!

We have been dealing with thrush this month, both you and I, and I must admit it has been tough...really tough. I can see why a lot of mothers give up on nursing at such an early stage. But we are a team, sweet girl, and we are slowly but surely getting through it!

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You love your sleep and have even slept 8 hours straight on two separate occasions. Whoo Hoo!!! I love how you growl softly in your sleep like a little cub.

You love when I swaddle you up in your little Miracle Blanket (funny because just last month you hated it!) .....a peace comes over you and you know right then what is about to happen. And you search with your little blue eyes for your milk and as soon as you hear me unsnap, you get so excited and start to wiggle and squirm with anticipation.

You love when Daddy and I hold both of your hands and pull you up like a big girl on your feet. You just smile and smile.

And you always fall into a relaxed trance when I hum softly in your ear and pat your bottom.

Your favorite place to be is still on Mommy's chest
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printingand in the bath tub with Mommy. It's our "girl time", away from the boys....just me and you and our lavender scented bubbles.
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Pure bliss.

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You adore your big brother and your eyes light up at the sound of his voice. He is so good to you and very protective. He made up a song for you while riding in the car one day. You absolutely hate your car seat....just like he did. So he made up a song and sings it at the top of his lungs over the screaming at the top of your lungs. One day I will get it on tape. One day.

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"It's okay Baby Wy-wee, it's oKAY, it's o-kay....hush now Baby Wy-wee, don't you cry, pweaseee don't cry! I'm white here Baby Wy-wee pweaseeee don't be ssssa-ad"

It's simply precious.



I cannot believe you are two months old.

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The "It's a Girl" balloon that Nana and Grayson brought to you in the hospital has slowly deflated. The fragile edges of the teal colored tissue tree that Michelle and Lindsay brought are slowly thinning. And the monumental moment of the beauty of your birth is stretching further and further from where I can still touch it...taste it's sacredness. But, you know when I can feel it? At night. When it's dark and all are asleep except you and I. You sleep with me...and our hearts beat together as you lay on my chest and I hold your tiny hands. And I talk to you...and, I swear, you understand.



I bring your face to mine until we are breathing each others' breaths, and oh, is it beautiful. I look forward to night because night is our time....just the two of us again, like before when you were in Mommy's tummy.


I thank God for you each and every second, Rylee Ann.

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Happy 2 months, my love!

~Mommy