6 years ago...

Oh, Happy Day!

It was a magical moment...


...and I will never forget it.

The way he looked at me at the end of the aisle...waiting.






The way we held hands so tightly coming back...



The way he held me while we danced our very first dance as husband and wife.




It was the most perfect day ever, and I will never ever forget it.




I will never forget the way my entire family was together. Aunts and uncles and cousins who I love. Friends who are family and family who are friends. I will never forget the magic and the tears.





On that day, the clouds parted and the glory of heaven escaped. And it landed on the dance floor where we hugged and held hands and clapped as kids break danced and adults shimmied and we threw our hands into the air and screamed when the D.J. played YMCA.




There was freedom and love and a fanfare of fun that weaved through that place and touched every soul in that room. Love that was so real, you could touch it.







I remember kicking my shoes off and hoisting tiers of satin to dance--dance so free, I didn't care if the hem of my dress was scuffed or if my bobby-pinned curls fell.


It was a surreal kind of happiness--a love for not only each other but for life and family and the amazing opportunity to have everyone who matters to you not only in one place at one time, but there to suck the marrow out of life with you.


We sucked the marrow alright. And they were not sips, oh no. They were big, hearty gulps and life just kept flowin'.



We join in the cheesy anniversary traditions of mankind on this day...traditions like leafing through the hundreds of wedding photos and watching our wedding video together, but now we watch with frequent pauses, to fill up a juice cup, change a diaper, dig through the toy box for a set of plastic keys to dangle in front of a bored little baby.

We set out in the evening to enjoy a real "grown up" date,
drinks and appetizers at a quaint bar with a piano man singing Elton John and then dinner at an upscale steakhouse, followed by a few beers at an Irish pub....like we used to do--except this time, we call home in between to ask Nana how the babies are doing and if Ry took her bottle.

Life has changed so very much in the past six years.

We've welcomed two babies...


...and have found so many new ways to love each other.

I found our wedding program this morning in an old box along with a reading by Thomas A. Kempis. In it, he says, "Love alone lightens every burden, and makes rough places smooth. It bears every hardship as though it were nothing, and renders all bitterness sweet and acceptable."

...and I thought about these past several months and how having Kevin and our family and this rich, rich love really has made everything so smooth. And I've thought how destined everything seems to be--as if the planets aligned on that day six years ago so beautifully because this was all in store. And yes, our hardships are though as if it were nothing, and all bitterness has been rendered sweet and acceptable.


And for all the crazy fun we've had...

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing

...there is so much more.


For all the tears we've shared...yes, I'm sure more of them too. But for the trillions of this-is-it moments--moments when the world seems to slow for just a bit for us to feel it, when we look around at our kids and what we have and how far we've come...yes, there are so many more.


This picture is, by far, both Kev's and my favorite picture of the two of us. It was taken a few days after our wedding in Lake Tahoe on the side of the road. It was the most perfect day ever, we were driving back from Sonoma and we ended up in a blizzard and we were just bathing in happiness.

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing

We don't have the perfect marriage, no. We forget to communicate sometimes or get snappy or forget to invest in just the two of us. My Hansel-and-Gretel trail of messes annoys him, and it drives me nuts that his "just running to Starbucks for a cup of coffee" turns into hours of tooting around town. We don't always agree on things, but we know that. We say sorry and we try harder and we continually perfect our battle of struggle and repair and struggle and repair and, in doing so, are building something bigger that slowly gains more strengths and less struggles.


Overall...we love. We love deeply and, in six years, we've added to the things we love and, consequently, have become happier.







And, we know what's important...




...and invest in it like crazy.


So, here's to that happy day, the six years in between, and the many more on the way.

Happy 6 Months Ry-Bug

Rylee~



This is where I felt you kick for the very first time.....right here on this very hammock just a little over 11 months ago.

How surreal.


How incredibly beautiful.

I had no idea what was in store for us, our family. I also had no idea that I would ever began to fathom a love so deep and so pure.

You complete us, Rylee Bug....and as cliche as that may sound, it is the absolute truth.



At 6 months, you are so spunky.....our little squealy firecracker! You love being tickled on your belly and your feet. You want to be included at ALL times and you really speak (squeal) your voice. This past month we said good bye to our baby carrier and hello to our Big Girl car seat and wow! What a difference it has made. I used to dread having to drive anywhere for fear that you would scream the entire way....but not now sister, you love it! You kick your little legs in excitement when I buckle you in and it must be so cushy and cozy because you fall asleep easier. You love that you can see Bubba better and he will just entertain you and sing to you until your little hearts content!

You have tried rice cereal, pears, prunes, applesauce, sweet potatoes, and green beans so far and are practicing drinking water in your sippy cup. Rylee, you make Mommy laugh so hard while eating.

Most babies let their Mommies feed them with a spoon....you, my dear, see that spoon coming your way and grab it with your little paws and shove it into your mouth yourself! Ha!

You are nursing about 6 times a day and are sleeping from 8-midnight and then midnight to 7 a.m. All we have to do is make sure you are dry and that your tummy is full and then walk you into your room, lay you on your tummy with a sassy and your blankie and say, "Night Night" and you're out! Just.Like.That.




You take a morning nap from 9-11, and then an afternoon nap from about 2-5. You really are an easy baby. Yes, we have our bumps and bruises sometimes, but for the most time you are just happy go lucky!

We had to take you to the doctor this past month for a little cold that you just couldn't seem to kick. Both you and Mommy ended up with an upper respiratory infection that lasted about a week. No fun!



Rylee, at 6 months you are weighing in at 17.7 lbs and are 26.5m inches long. That puts you in the 85th % tile for both!! Dr Terry was so impressed! You are rolling all over the place and can sit up for about a minute before tiring out. You are wearing 6-9 months in clothes, size 2 shoes, and size 3 diapers. I put you in a size 4 at night.

You are sitting up in the stroller and when we go out to eat, you sit in a highchair like a big girl.

Grayson is still your biggest fan and oh, how you love him!! You two can entertain each other for hours. Sometimes he's a little rough with you in my eyes, but you just squeal with delight!



Some of your favorite things at the moment are:
your blankie (it was Great Grannie's doll blanket)
your sassies
your two middle fingers
your thumb
necklaces
Daddy's beard
Mommy's nose and chin (you like to give them kisses)
your activity table
bath time
sitting up in the stroller
being in the Mommy Wrap
walker
and jumperoo

Oh the bitter sweetness of my babies getting older.


Sigh.

My view for so very long was all wrapped up here.
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing From above the big belly and all about what was inside.





And now my eyes gaze upon the purest of pure, made in the most Perfect image, nursing at my breast, secure and certain of my love, as this crazy world goes on around us.




Yesterday I stepped outside and looked up. When was the last time any of us really observed the sky?
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo PrintingRylee, you do it all the time. And you remind me to breathe. In and out. It's a lot to take in... it goes on forever. It has stories to tell. It's so big and will make you realize just how small you are. And also how real. And alive.

We are just walking around His brushstrokes....remember that, angel.


And it's so beautiful, this life.

All About the Love

It's February.


And it's all about the love.

The love for heart shaped pizzas.






The love for sweet treats.





The love that I have for them.











I'm so in love!

3.5

My Grayson Michael,






Today you are 3 1/2. Three and a half. 3.5.....halfway to four.

You are the biggest Big Boy and the best Big Brother that I have ever seen. Every morning you wake up around 7:30 (although there have been times where it was earlier.....much earlier), tip toe into my room, gently tap on my shoulder with your sweet, little hands and say, "Mom, I need you."

Every.single.morning.


And so it goes. I walk you into the movie room, turn on your shows, make you a cup of juice, and go back to bed.

You let Sissy and I sleep for a few more hours before deciding that you are ready for a "snack". We argue about how you have to eat breakfast before you have a snack....you usually stomp your feet and cross your arms and "Hmpf" a couple of times, but Mommy always wins. You are so three.

Your most popular phrases of the moment are:

"That's the deal" (when you've decided your way is all that matters)

"Is that a good deal?" (after bartering with me)

"Mom, I love you" (at least 10 times a day for no reason)

"Oh, good morning Wy Wee" (everytime you see your sister)






Grayson, you are so incredibly headstrong. A trait you most definitely get from your Daddy, Pappi, and Nana. But you can also be an emotional roller coaster at times....a trait you've most definitely gotten from your Mommy. Most days you are so cool to be around....like a little Kevin. You dropped your naps a few weeks ago and can handle it for the most part, but some days I find you fast asleep on the movie room couch at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. You have "quiet time" everyday during the week, which consists of a movie of your choice, a little snack, and you laying on the couch in the movie room. You are not allowed off the couch while the movie is on, and if caught, you have to go to your bed and take a nap.
This usually gives me a moment to gather my thoughts and let me have quiet time, too.


You have attached yourself to your "Jessie"....a little Lego figurine from Toy Story 3....she goes EVERYWHERE with you. It's really cute but also a little ridiculous because she's a LEGO and no bigger than my thumb, which results in losing her frequently.


You may think, "what's the big deal??"

The big deal is that you can't buy her separately, oh no! She only comes in a $15 kit with her horse and a train and a train station, which you could give two hoots about.....you only play with her. She's been lost twice and you absolutely cannot live without her. Thus, we have had to purchase a whole other kit.

You do the math.


Grayson, you have impressed your Daddy and I so much these past few months. You no longer inform us that you need to potty, you just go. You've gotten really good at
putting on and taking off your clothes all by yourself and you can even brush your teeth really well. You are an amazing sleeper and have been since about a year old. You can put your dirty dishes in the sink and your trash in the trash can....you even know what things you should recycle. So smart!


You can count to 20 and know all your colors and half of your letters. You can draw straight and squiggly lines and are learning how to trace very well. You are so smart when it comes to computer games....you figure them out faster than I can read you the directions...even with adult games.

You are wearing size 4 pants and shirts and sometimes size 5 and size 9 shoes. I think you weigh somewhere around 34 lbs. You are so muscular, no more baby fat!! We got your hair cut a few months ago...like a real big boy haircut and it looks awesome but it makes you look SO grown up.

You love taking baths.
We found you a little shaving kit that looks like Daddy's and you think you are so stinkin' cool. You hate getting your hair washed and are starting to become quite the picky eater. You're on a grilled cheese kick these days....it has to be yellow cheese, though, unlike your cheese sticks....those have to be white. No more mustard on your sandwiches, just plain. Who are you???
You used to eat anything that we put infront of you. Sadly, those days are over. You only like raw carrots with ranch, grapes, chicken nuggets, string cheese, grilled cheese with turkey, tortillas with queso, hamburgers, lunchables, and pancakes. That's it.




You are such an amazing big brother.....Rylee idolizes you. She can be screaming or squawking one minute and then she spots you or hears you and the biggest smile pops on her face!! Oh how she loves you!


You are my big boy! My sweet Bubba. My baby. My oldest.


There are benefits of being the oldest, the first born.
No hand-me-downs, everything you get is new. You're always the first to do something new or reach a milestone ... first to walk, first to have a first birthday, first to start preschool. By default, a bigger deal is made of all your "firsts."


You were the first baby I'd ever held that was my own. The first baby to be brought into our home to stay. The first to teach me a mother's love. The first. It has its privileges, ya know.

It also has its disadvantages. Also by default, I expect more from you. You should know better than to splash water out of the tub. You should know better than to pinch or hit. You should know to share. You are the oldest, after all.


By this birthright, right or wrong, you are responsible beyond your years. Greater expectations and discipline are sought from you. You become the target of my frustration, brokenness and exhaustion when you have no ability to understand any of the three.
And for all of it I'm sorry.

I see in you the worry-wort, hot-head and caretaker that I believe are genetically yours. Passed down from your Daddy and your Nana. Both first born, by the way. I sometimes see these traits in you, and wish I could somehow erase them all.
I also wonder how much I've taught you, versus how much you were destined to acquire despite my example. I'm sorry that I'm just a great big ball of emotions and that I wear my heart on my sleeve.....you, too will acquire these traits, if you haven't already.

Chances are you will always expect more from yourself than others do. Chances are you will worry constantly, and when there's nothing left to fret about, worry about that too. Chances are you will feel responsible for things you have no control over or ability to change. Chances are ...






In life, though, you take the good with the bad. What you get in high expectations, you don't get in hand-me-downs. You'll have to accept my desire to instill discipline in you, in exchange for a part of me only you will ever get to hold.



I promise you unconditional love that you'll never know from another and promise that you'll begin to understand it all when you hold that very first baby of your own.

Until then, please try to understand I only want the very best for you, even if it brings out my worst.

And also know that I will never tire of being woken up in the wee hours of the morning by your sweet voice saying, "Mom, I need you."


Happy Half Birthday!

Love, Mom