Sometimes I Forget....

...to pray for things.



I think I have all my ducks in a row....lined up on a cute little shelf in my mind and then when something happens unexpectedly,like a duck falling off my shelf, I think to myself...."hmmmm, I forgot to pray for that" and then I pick that duck off the dusty floor and wipe it off and replace it right back where it belongs. There you go little duck.


Random I know. Ducks....thoughts.

But not really.

Unless it's smacking me in the face, like when one of my children is sick, I sometimes forget to pray for things. Like, I pray, but usually it's for someone that is hurting, or for health, or as things come up, or a wide covering prayer, not too specific. I am still trying to understand the way He provides because there are so many blessings that come into our life.



And some other things that are really frivolous but definitely not un-noticed by me. I wonder, if these prayers said quietly in my heart but not out loud are still answered, what could happen if I am actually on my knees?

Not that it works that way, like a God-vending machine. Prayers go in and and I get what I want. Not at all.

But I know He hears me anyway.

How often I feel like maybe I have everything I really need, so anything extra would be... asking for too much? Who am I to ask for anything? My God, I lie next to my child and think, I didn't ask for my child to breathe today yet she has breath. Thank you. Thank you God. I know it's because of you! I'm so thankful.

What more could I ask for?

And then I close my eyes and really think about it and outside of my head I see that maybe I need to stop thinking it's up to me. What if what's happening to us is in response to someone else's prayer?

Someone else on their knees, on my behalf?




I'm so humbled.

It's so big......this life.

And we are so very small.

Life turns and I spin

and I roll with it

and I want to land where He wants me to be.



Which is probably on my knees.

Im a professional at pretend.

For some reason I had this weird rule in my head that I need a photo with every post. When did that happen? And like if I don't, I won't have inspiration any other way.

Or maybe I just use it as distraction.

So that's probably why I sat down here with nothing to say at all....why I've gone for almost an entire month without blogging. Plenty I wish I could say, but I can't. That and the fact that my computer caught yet another virus so I didn't have the means to blog for a few weeks anyhow.

I'm tired of the small talk.

Why am I so hard on myself for not posting Rylee's 8 month post on the right day?? I haven't even written it yet. I'm also tired of telling Gray to stop calling Ry names that start with poop and I want Harlow to stop waking up every.single.morning. at 5:50 because she's hungry, and I want Kevin to just once, not hit the snooze button 547 times. I want to cease the examining of everything they do, thinking it's because of something I've done to make them this way, or that. Or what I'm turning them into.

We have so many good days. SO many. Maybe that's why the bads come as more of a shock. I don't know. Because it can deceive my mind into erasing when I do get it right and only focusing on what I get wrong. And I am an optimist, so I don't let on, I don't speak it out, and I certainly don't write it out, and instead hoard it within.

And maybe it's what we do, we all walk around with small talk on our sleeves and our hearts coffin-ed somewhere deep; we distract and are distracted and we make fun of anyone that makes us uncomfortable.

Because we think that's how it's supposed to be.


I'll be back to normal in a few.