In one short little moment.....or a month at most, you will turn one.
My beautiful Rylee Bug, my love, my life, my last. This, for me, is the hardest. I keep trying to ignore it. This huge beast at my door, laughing at me. "She's your last baby!!! No more for you!" "BWAA HA HA HA!"
I think that I have held my composure enough that I can now let these pitiful, bruised and bullied walls down.
Lay 'em down, Momma.
You see, my love, not only am I closing a door.....it's the last door. You are my muse. My masterpiece...and it is now time for me to lay down my brush for the very last time.
I knew that this was coming. I knew that I needed to prepare myself for all the "never agains".....and tha "this is the last time that I will...."
Oh Rylee...I'm going to be sick! I want to throw my head in my hands and just....cry!
I told myself, from the very beginning......when I first saw that beautiful digital "PREGNANT" sign just twenty months ago......"Enjoy it all!" "The sickness and the beauty"......"the happiness and the hurt." "This is it!!"
And I can honestly tell you, I did. I did enjoy it all.
The first 12 weeks of sickness.
The first breath that you took.
The first time that your Daddy held you.
The first time that I saw that special bond between you and your brother.
The first time you said, "Momma".......
And all the moments in between.
I have taken every.single.moment. of your amazing life and I have locked it deep inside my memory so that when your Daddy and I are giving you away at your wedding or holding your very-much-prayed-for-healthy-first-born-baby in the hospital.....all these beautiful, unforgettable memories will come rushing back.
In 11 perfectly-beautiful months you have learned to say the most precious words on Earth: "Momma, Dadda, and Bubba". I won't deny that "Momma" was first. Oh what a perfect, glorious day was that? You always have and hopefully always will be a Mommas girl.
My "girly-girl"!
You keep us smiling, sweet girl.
Lately, you hear the word, "pretty", and immediately hold whatever is in your hand up to your ear....like you are showing off your new found "pretty". I think you do this because since the day we brought you home, I have put a bow on your head and I always follow by saying, "Ooooooh Ryyyyylee, you're soooooo pretty"! So you must be imitating what you have always seen and heard from your Momma.
It could be a flashlight, a matchbox car, or even a piece of cantaloupe, but when held up to your ear......it's "soooooo pretty".
My beautiful princess! You sing in the car like no one is listening.
Our Father in Heaven is listening, Ry....and all the angels to your sweet little voice.
You take care of your Bubba's toys like they are your little lost-and-found-treasures. And when I open your closet door each day to look at your magnificent wardrobe.....you inhale, like the diva that you are and then get all giddy at the beauties that await you.
Oh, I think I could spend the rest of my life dressing you and loving you.
I told myself that I wasn't going to get emotional, Rylee. I enjoyed every day. I lived in every moment.
I lied.
Mommy is a BIG.FAT.LIAR.....with a cherry on top.
I did enjoy every moment. I did enjoy every night awake. I enjoyed every.single.second. of your infancy and now, now I want it back. All of it from the sour milk-medicine breath to the popcorn smelling diapers to the always-having-one-eye-open-because-what-if-she-stops-breathing.
Who wouldn't?
Who in their right mind wouldn't want to re-live perfection?
The little kitten-meow cries and the tightly swaddled "hmm-ummfs"...God! I want it back! I want to show you how AWESOME our God is Rylee.....
...how beautiful His love is for you. He gave me two perfectly healthy, beautiful babies to take care of and to raise under His watch. He entrusted me to make sure that everything you do is according to His will. I made Him a promise a few years ago and I will do everything in my power, as your Mother, to keep that promise....that you will never doubt His love, that you will never run or hide from Him.
Our little 11 month old.
SOOOO Big!
You are such an amazing sleeper, my love. You are nursing twice a day...once in the early morning and once at night. Taking a bottle now like nobodies business!! You are still anemic, so taking iron drops once a day and eating big girl food and drinking water out of a straw like such a big girl!
You eat 3 mini pancakes for breakfast, chicken and veggies for lunch, and anything Mommy fixes for dinner....such a fantastic eater!!
At 11 months:
You are wearing size 4 diapers and size 12 month clothes.
You have 8 teeth and and the sweetest personality EVER! Your hair is the most perfect shade of red and your eyes are as blue as the ocean. You love to smile and giggle and pretend cough.
You like to use a spoon or fork while eating....and by that I mean you like to use it yourself. You pick up a morsel of food with your fingers and then stab it on to the fork before placing it into your mouth with the "I'm the biggest girl ever" smile on your face.
I caught you "pretend eating" the other day with your play kitchen. You were stirring a golf ball in a bowl with some tongs and then "pretend biting" the tongs. How smart are you???!
You are walking with your push buggy so well and are trying ever so hard to keep up with Bubba as he comes whizzing past you. I have seen you let go while standing a couple of times like you are contemplating taking a step....and just when I think that you are about to, you very slowly squat down until your tushy is safe on the floor.
You have an amazing little spirit, Rylee. Always wanting to be around others...usually on their hip. Every once in a while you will sit and play quietly with your toys all.by.yourself. but always with one eye on Mommy and my whereabouts.
Mommy and Daddy and Bubba love you so much! You bring us so much joy each and every day, sweet Lovie!
