13 JOBS

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I was reading one of my favorite baby mags that I can't ever put down and it asked a very important question......... "What will your child want to be when they grow up?"

Uhhhh...I hadn't really given Grayson's future much thought, beyond what I'm going to feed him for dinner, and hoping that he'd replace some of his grunts and squeaks with actual English words in the next few months, and looking forward to the blessed day when he wipes his own butt.

As for his career, I'd hoped that he'd be happily employed and would not be living in our guest room playing the 10th generation of X-Box and smoking pot when he's twenty eight.

Well, now that I've thought more about how he might earn some cash to pay for his own supply of grilled cheese sandwiches, I've decided that Grayson's physical characteristics and personality show signs of many, many career opportunities. So, in no particular order, I give you Grayson's top 13 future job prospects based on his life at 14 months old.

1. Mad Scientist

He's already got the crazy hair. Now all he needs is a pair of glasses sliding off the end of his nose and some bunsen burners, and he can discover a cure for cancer or create a magical pill that provides 100% of needed daily nourishment and saves starving children around the world. Of course, his hair could change - with any luck he'll have sprouted a natural mullet by the time he's two, preparing himself for a future of hockey playing or rural car repair.

2. Dog Catcher

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He loves to chase and attempt to capture the dog. Maybe he'll be rounding up dobermans in twenty years, keeping the streets safe for mail deliverers everywhere, or bring depressed stray puppies to the Humane Society so they can find a loving, bacon-filled home.

3. Wrecking Ball Machine Operator

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OK, so I have no idea what the people who operate the wrecking ball are called, but you get the idea. Grayson thinks the only reason anyone puts up a tower of any sort, especially one made of cups, is so that he can make them topple to the floor and flap his arms wildly while they crash around him.
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He's more into destruction than construction. I guess he could also be the guy who rigs up dynamite explosions and car crashes in action movies, which I think sounds pretty cool. His desire to pull apart order also comes out when he yanks books off of shelves and happily empties his toy bin, but, unfortunately for him, I don't think they pay people to make a mess at the library or toy store.



4. Cobbler

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The child loves shoes - banging them against the floor, lifting them in the air, nibbling on the ends of them, studying laces......you name it, as long as he doesn't have to wear them. What else could he be doing but getting ready to apprentice for an Italian shoemaker so that he can make mama many, many new pairs of shoes?

5. Telemarketer
Got a phone? Good, because Grayson wants to play with it and drool on it. He gets pissed off when he sees the phone and we don't give it to him. Furthermore, he's a big talker (squawker), he's pretty sociable, and it's hard to shake his sunny disposition. All this points to opportunities in the exciting field of telemarketing, or more lucrative work sucking folks in to pyramid schemes.

6. Daredevil

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He may be little, but he's very brave, and almost freakishly strong considering he can crush a Ritz cracker with one finger. He tries to throw himself down stairs and, unless he's tired, falls, bumps, and bruises don't phase him a bit. Maybe he'll be the next king of the X-Games or jump 70 cars on a dirt bike. As long as he's got health insurance to pay for all the operations he'll need and he's wearing a helmet, he can leap off any ramps he'd like. I made that sound pretty convincing, huh?



7. Mover
He can empty out a drawer or cabinet faster than the speed of light. If it doesn't have a child proof lock on it, that space will be hollowed out in no time. He also tends to de-roll a toilet paper spindle in 2.5 seconds......you know, to help pad all the boxes he needs to fill. Plus, you can't argue, the boy looks super cute in overalls.

8. Game Show Host
He's got a way with the ladies from 5 1/2 months to 74 years.

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His smile is big and accented by 6 1/2 pearly whites. He chats and chats and chats, whether or not any one's listening.
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books He's got crazy host-type hair. He gets really excited about things no one else seems to understand, which would translate well into emphatically delivering catch phrases like, "Come on down!!!!!"

9. A Nudist
Like many kids, Grayson hates having a shirt pulled on over his head or holding still for a clean diaper. He'd rather be naked. So, maybe when he's older he'll decide that a clothing optional life is for him. I guess that doesn't really pay any sort of a salary, though, and I'm not going to even think about other jobs that involve little in the way of clothing.

10. Explorer/Investigator
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What can I say? The kid likes the outdoors. So much so, he has taught himself how to open the front door and wander out. Our doors must be locked at all times. How DOES a 14 month old have the dexterity to open a door? He loves to explore and conquer. I'll leave him watching his beloved Noggin or Nick Jr to escape to the bathroom for a little alone time and wouldn't you know it.......AH HAH! He found me. There's no escaping him. A regular Sherlock Holmes.

11. A Race car Driver

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If it has a wheel.....it must be steered. I've never known a child to be so infatuated with vehicles. Cars, trucks, tractors....you name it, he wants to steer it. We went to the State Fair and the highlight of his day was when we walked into the auto show. Last week we had pizza at Gatti Town and took him to the play area afterwards.
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo BooksHe HAD to sit on every single ride that had a steering wheel. I see some sort of old red mustang with a stick shift in his future.


12. Drummer/Guitarist for a Rock Band - Back Up Dancer for Hannah Montana

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I would love to say vocalists but I do realize the boy is half me and mama don't sing. Very well. So I've been told. However, the boy can rock out to Yo Gabba Gabba and has been known to play his Fisher Price piano like no other. He can carry a beat for sure, the way he bangs on pots and pans.....I see a Tommy Lee in our future (without the tattoos, earrings, and Pamela Anderson girlfriend of course);)


13. A Pirate
Like many babies, Grayson loves to put things in his mouth. It's not real until you've bit it and drooled on it. The only career I can think of in which biting might come in handy is being a pirate - you know, gnawing on pieces of coin to verify they're authentic and not fool's gold. I guess he could also use his sensitive palate as a food critic or chef,
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books to make sure that the king's food isn't poisoned, or to dominate a hot dog eating contest at the state fair.


And that, folks, is why mommies aren't allowed to write resumes for their children. They've still got years to figure out what they'd like to do, and develop marketable skills and talents beyond incredible cuteness and messy hair. As long as he's happy and somehow contributing positively to society, and becomes a brain/heart surgeon(Mc Irresistible or Mc Handsome)/Nobel prize-winning poet/shoe designer/Summer and Winter Olympic medalist/father of three/aid worker/leader of the free world, I'll be happy, too.