As I type this, you are asleep on my lap, your perfect head warming my knee, your chubby monkey legs dangling comfortably across my thighs and one of your socks, as usual, hanging on for dear life as an almost-bare footie is revealed.
And it is with this I'd like to start my post--this adoration for babyhood once again. I never can get over it...this loving having babies. And I can honestly say that I know I won't look back with regret. I know I won't want to shake that younger version of myself years from now and tell her to enjoy it while she has it. Because I do. Every bit of it. I savor the weight of your body and the way it falls into the hammock of my arms. I drink in your breathy exhales and the way you root at my neck when I hold you close, smelling your mama's skin, wanting more.
I cherish every second of nursing, the way your tiny fingers curl around mine, your thin lashes batting as your brilliant blue eyes lock their gaze onto mine, the perfect pout of your pink lips as they latch on and the relief of all sixteen pounds of you as you settle into pure satisfaction. And you breathe--in and out, in and out--and with each suck, each breath, it's as if love is literally moving with the rhythm of our feeding ceremony.
There is such peace in my life when I'm mothering my babies. Not to diminish at all the beauty of toddler wonders--Lord knows that possesses its own magic--but there is something so raw and beautiful about sustaining the life of the tiniest of forms and hanging on to the remnants of the physical connection we shared not so long ago. You grew inside me just a little over five months ago and I birthed you into this world and, as you grow and learn and drink in this universe, it's just a constant reminder of the amazement and beauty of life.
You, sweet girl, had me at hello. I may not have known it then, but you did. You had me just.like.that. From the very moment our eyes met in that pure white room, that innocent, animal like cry....I can see it all in my mind like it was yesterday.
I left you alone with Daddy overnight this past month for the very first time. And it was good for both of us. I was a sight to see riding in the car to Houston pumping every couple of hours. But you did great, sweet girl!! I knew that you would! And when I got home and our eyes locked, you gave me the biggest smile and secretly told me to never leave you again. I heard you.
I walked by the swing the other day and saw a little elephant toy had been rigged up to hang in view and, before I could ask, Grayson explained, "I did it. She likes it." I smiled and passed it off as one of those cute little brother things Grayson convinces himself is true, but then later I saw you laying in your swing.....talking to it.
So, I guess he's right.
You've also discovered that your little fingers and toes taste delicious and watching you tediously look for them and score on their arrival to your little mouth for some good sucking is like watching a good movie.
...and hello sweet little feet. If I had a penny for every precious picture we've taken of ripe little toes, well we'd be stinkin' rich.
Lively.
That sums you up in one word at five months.
Full of life and love and simply delicious.
I love you to the moon and back sweet Rylee Bug!!!
~Love Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment