Dear Grayson Michael,

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Two years ago, today, you happened, and then I happened and then we happened.
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo PrintingI don't remember the precise moment I knew you were the one. The reason I'm here. Moments are left unattended, life shape-shifts. Children grow up. I read about our past and cannot believe I have so easily forgotten so much of where you came from. I have photos to remind me. And blog entries. And scraps of paper and ideas and memories and old things I can't believe you used to fit into. Old hats with blue and white stripes that you wore last spring, or was it the spring before?

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Wait. It was the one before. Now I remember.


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I don't know why it is so easy to forget. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't document every last detail of your life I would be mourning all the yesterdays: faded memories floating skyward like The Red Balloon, and you as a newborn, baby, toddler, hanging on by the string, waving at me with your fingers.

If I didn't have photographs of you in your blue polo against the blue sky,
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing I might not be able to remember how cherubic you looked that afternoon, pouting in the shade, under the sun, that thoughtful look you get when you're watching people and birds and the world.


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You have become your own person this year. Or I suppose it's just that I know you differently now. The more you communicate and disagree and fight me and love me and hate me and break my heart. The more you trust me, believe me, kick me when I'm trying to tell you it's time to leave because we have to go home. How you talk to animals not with words but by singing to them. Humming songs in their ears softly, gently.

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Most recently you have become attached to the moon. You search the sky with such concern. "Munn?" you say. As if you're asking, "Where did you go so fast, Moon?" And then you turn to me and point out the window and frown and I say... "The moon is sleeping, baby. Sometimes it sleeps in the afternoon. Maybe you should give sleep a try..."

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But you stopped napping months ago. You only sleep when it's dark outside. So Mommy put a dark brown blanket over your window to make it look like "night time" all the time. Smart Mommy. At night, you fall asleep with your teddy and your books and your music and the window drape cracked slightly so you can see the moon and I hear you say "nigh, nigh munn. night, nigh, Jesus" before you fall asleep because sometimes I stand outside your door and spy on you. Sometimes I watch you sleep. Sometimes you catch me and sit up suddenly in the darkness, smile like a goose and then crash land into your pillow, pretending you are sleeping, making the fake-snoring sound with one-eye open and a cracked smile.


In the morning, you wake up calling my name, asking not for me but the "munn".


"Momma? Momma? Whee? Munn? Momma? you ask.


"I don't know."


Because I don't. I know nothing of moons and why sometimes they appear in the afternoon, linger in the mornings. In fact, one day you will find that I know very little. That I know nothing, really. And yet, now, when you're still small, I feel compelled to answer you. To make things up to make you happy. Give you answers. The ones you want to hear.

"The moon is going potty in the white bushes of the sky."

I don't know if this is the right approach. But I'm learning and trying and figuring it out as I go. Just as you are. With your speech and your songs and your life. And I still can't believe you exist. It's been two years and I guess I figured I would be used to you by now. But sometimes when I pick you up I think "did I really have a child? Are you really here? It wasn't just a very long dream?"

And then you appear with scrapes on your knees and a half-eaten granola bar in your pocket and a Ziploc bag of raisins......and yes, there you are. I remember now.


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You are growing up so fast I can't stand it. Needing haircuts often and demanding kisses and growing more and more aware of your world.

Yesterday you were my baby.
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing And today, even though you are two.....
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printingyou are still my baby. And you always will be. Even when you grow so tall I have to stand on my toes to kiss your face. You'll always be the reason for everything changing in the best way possible. You'll always be my first. My baby.

Thank you for reminding me that anything is possible. That the moon is something to befriend and the animals are things to sing to. That time is short and life is long and there are so many things to be grateful for.

Number one being, you.

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Happy 2nd Birthday, Grayson Michael, My little man.


Loving you like an insane person,


Mommy.


P.S. Here are some of my favorite shots of you from your first and second year. I dug these up the other day when I was weeping over your decision to grow up on me.


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Misty watercolor memories, dude. Misty watercolor memories.

Thank You Jesus......

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Mommy really, REALLY needed this today.

Grayson, you are an angel. When you are sleeping. And when you correct Mommy in her prayers because she forgot to thank Jesus for "Nona, Boppo, Meem, Boppi, Dada, and our humm" (home). What was I thinking? There's no sneaking fast prayers by you, son.

No sneaking at all.

"Haaa-men". (Amen)

This Is Why I Love Her So.....

Grayson, this was sent to you by your Aunt Sharyn on your very 1st birthday. I've been saving it in my email for a whole year and finally decided that if I post it here, you will always be able to read it. It's for you to keep and always know how very loved you are, not only to Mommy and Daddy, but to everyone who knows you! We are so blessed to have our very best friends back in Texas (where they belong, I might add). They helped us so much with our new home and we love them dearly!

"Happy Birthday Mr. Grayson,

So sorry I didn't get you a card so you will have to have mommy print this out so it at least seems like I was thoughtful enough to send you something. I can't believe you are already one!! It seems like just yesterday your mommy told me she was pregnant! I was sooo happy for her because I knew you were going to be everything that she had ever dreamed.

In one years time little one you have accomplished so many great things. You are ahead of the game always I am in such awe of how quickly you mastered all the major stepping stones ahead of schedule. Nothing can slow you down huh? You are a celebrity around here, many nights Mike and I get around the computer to see what you have done now. You are one of the few pictures I allow to remain on my fridge and I keep another picture by my computer and look at you and smile. I am so very much in love with you. I love looking at you and sometimes all I see is your Dad, and that makes me smile because your Dad means a lot to me. He was a part of my childhood and now has re-entered as a friend in my present and I think the world of him and love to watch his face in all your videos. I love seeing him in you. Oh but there is so much of your mommy in that face too! Your mother was an acquaintance for years but became a true friend recently. I hate that I didn't have more time with her, I wished I met her years ago. But none the less I adore her and am in such awe of the mother she has become. I want to be like her and you are so very fortunate to have her for your mommy. I love seeing her in you.

So even though I haven't been fortunate to spend much time with you, which breaks my heart, I love you more than you know I loved you from the moment your mommy turned to me and said she was pregnant. I know this may all seem weird to you seeing as you really have no clue who I am I'm not there for holidays or birthdays and I am not one of the many friends that are there with their kids for play dates I am the one who you met just once but whose heart you hold. I am the one that is married to a man who also loves you dearly and can't get enough of your blog and always ask me what you have been up to lately, but unfortunately you haven't met him yet, but oh how he loves you.

So I tell you all of this so you know just how priceless you are. That not only have you strengthened the bond between your parents and made them better people for knowing you, and tightened the extended family in ways that were unimaginable, but you have even touched the hearts of two people almost 1/2 way across the country.

We are blessed to be able to watch you grow up and witness the miracle that is Grayson Michael Richards. So with all of that said Happy First Birthday Little one, you deserve a great one!!

xoxo,
Mike and Sharyn"
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~WoRdLeSs WeDnEsDaY~

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