Monday, August 31, 2009

These Days Are Numbered


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You could feel it in the cool breeze that lingered in the air today.

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You could see it in their "Ohmigosh" faces when toes touched the water.

(also in the way their lips turned purple)

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The summer is almost over.

We will soon fill our days with pumpkin patches and hayrides.


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It's time to say goodbye to wrinkled hands and feet.

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It's time to say goodbye to ladybugs.

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It's time to say goodbye to Sonic drinks and soggy goldfish.

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Goodbye Aveeno Baby Sunscreen.

Goodbye floppy hats.

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Goodbye Cheeto's for lunch.

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Until Memorial Day 2010.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Dear Dann Ontz,

All of my adult life I've lived in an apartment. As well as all of my married life. With apartment living comes pesky neighbors, hot and not-so-hot (free) maintenance men, and rent due on the 1st but not late till the 3rd. I honestly thought that living in a house would be nothing like apartment dwelling.

I was wrong. In more ways than one.

You see sir, we have pesky neighbors. And by pesky, I mean pests. And by pests I mean YOU. Ants. "Dann Ontz" when pronounced by Grayson. He's two. And if you even think of biting his sweet, delicate, perfect skin.....Deep breath, relax Missy .

It's cute that he tries to say "Dang Ants" like Mommy, but you, "Dann Ontz" are SO. NOT. CUTE.

I realize that we moved in on your turf a little less than 2 months ago, but seriously??? Get the hint. We are here to stay. You need to leave. We pay the rent....you don't.

Bentley's dog bones are not yours, nor is her food. When most peoples homes are destroyed by fire, tornadoes, or...um... poison.....they tend to rebuild elsewhere. Not in the same "dann" spot.

I was told by my husband to call the X-Terminator today....and you know what? I didn't. I didn't because I thought you had finally gotten the hint and packed your belongings and high-tailed it outta here.

My mistake.

You really pushed it over the limit when I saw that you had infested my undie drawer today. Big mistake, dude. Big. Huge.



Heed my warning Dann Ontz:

You will meet your Maker on Monday!

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(And although he won't be free....I pray that he's hot)


Sorry it had to come to this.
A very disturbed, undie-less house wife

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Potty Chronicles (Chapter 1)


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Are you hearing the angelic chorus of hallelujahs? Okay, maybe they are just in my head.

Since my beloved son took his first breath, I have been dreading the day when he and I would face-off for potty training. The horror stories of boys being so difficult to train, and my total lack of knowledge on the topic of boys and potties had me scared.

Secretly, I had convinced myself he could go to his prom wearing a Pampers Cruiser if need be. But, every now and then, my little man surprises me, and low and behold ...


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he went tee tee on the potty.



It was only once and it was almost a week ago, but you could just see the determination in his face.

Our nightly ritual goes something like this:

"Grayson, bath time in 5 minutes"

Immediately, he opens his car door (and closes his car door)and shoots off down the hall and into his bathroom....leaving scraps of clothing along the way for me to pick up. When I enter the bathroom, he usually has one arm out of his shirt and the other through his neck hole. Shorts are usually long gone by this time (laying in the hall) and he's tugging frantically at his diaper.

As soon as he's sees me he cries, "Off-a off-a", wanting me to take his diaper off.

I pull his diaper off and he commands me to "Seet" (sit) on my potty, while he sits naked on his.

We sit for a good 3-4 seconds without a peep, then I usually start peeing (I know...a little T.M.I.), then he starts looking in his potty wondering where his pee is.

It's really adorable. I tell him to be patient and that all good things come to those who wait. To which he replies, "Gotta wait" "Gotta wait".

We've done this routine every night for the last month. And finally last Saturday night, he did it!!!

I was mid pee when he looks up at me with this little "Ohmygoshwhatisthis face"

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and my ears heard the sweetest sweet sound of a tinkle in the potty. I tried to wait till he was finished before I started hootin' and hollerin' and thanking Jesus.

I started singing a little song that I had heard my friend sing with her little girl when she went potty and started dancing. Grayson jumped up and started dancing, too! He was SO proud!!! I scooped him up and ran into the living room to announce to Daddy what a BIG BOY we have!! Daddy was so thrilled and said he thought the neighbors would be proud, too, now that they heard everything.

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I gave Grayson a sucker and we called Nana & Pawpaw and Mimi & Pappi to tell them the AWESOME news.



So it was only once, but he's been trying really hard ever since. He even asked yesterday after nap time to go potty....so we ran to the bathroom and I stripped off his diaper....and we waited....and waited.....and waited some more. Nothing happened. I gave him an M&M for trying.


I've noticed this whole week that he tells me immediately after he's gone poo poo or tee tee in his diaper....so he definitely knows that he doesn't want to wear a dirty diaper. That's a huge jump from where we were.


I know we are far from solidifying the ability to get the number twos where they need to be....but we will continue practicing going tee tee till we get it!

He's done it once. There's no turning back.



This first chapter in our potty chronicles has taught me two things:

1. Maybe boys aren't so hard to potty train;

2. And while the cuteness factor of girls' clothes beats that of boys' clothes hands down, in the underpants department, there's nothing cuter than a pair of 2T boxer briefs.....with monkeys on them.

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(And I may or may not have been putting said boxer briefs on over his diaper for the last week just because they're SO stinkin' cute!)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

~WoRdLeSs WeDnEsDaY~

Eating BBQ with Pawpaw

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Pawpaw showing off his manly bottle of bbq sauce

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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Nowhere in This Photo Do I See a Baby.


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I look and study and blow it up to its maximum size but a baby isn't anywhere to be found. It's as if one night while I was sleeping someone exchanged my little bedbug for a child. A child who holds his girlfriend's hand under the snack table and gives her all his plastic bugs.

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A boy who insists on sitting and listening to every song in its entirety, even if it means sitting in the car with the engine running

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-- waiting for the song to end. A little person who builds towers out of Legos and paper towel dispensers and proudly shows them off. A kid whose ear can distinguish an airplane from a helicopter , a tractor from a garbage truck -- slow on words, perhaps but quick on sounds and far more knowledgeable than I.

"Grayson, listen! It's an ambulance!"

To which he responds, "fee tuck."

And he's usually right.

"Oh, sorry, Grayson. Mommy's an idiot....it is a fire truck."

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Babies don't tell their mommies they're wrong. Babies don't tell you they love you and make up "mommy songs" that they belt out on walks with the dogs. Babies don't pick dandelions from the weeds

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and give them to their mommies to blow and keep in a plastic cup

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on the sink because it's pretty....babies don't stand on stools to wash their hands or practice combing their hair.



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Saturday, at the birthday party, I watched as our friend swept Grayson up into his arms, his eyes wide and grateful to be included in such childhood shenanigans. Only once did Grayson find his way back into my arms, too thrilled with being trampled on in the bounce house

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and finding bugs for his bug jar in our back yard.

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Too busy pushing his toy tractor down the slide and then himself.

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And the next morning, while eating breakfast, Grayson asked if he could go outside and jump some more. And babies don't do that either.


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"You love going outside, don't you?" I asked.



"Yeah," Grayson smiled, whipping his hair out of his face like a teenager.


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"After lunch," I promised. "We will go outside after lunch."


I can't believe that three years from now, I will look upon this same face, photos of this face not yet taken, with the same pain, longing, and where-did-the-time-go tears that I have right now, looking at these seemingly grown-up pictures of Grayson about to send him off to kindergarden:

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My beautiful son, child, little boy, whose hazel eyes once followed my every move. And now?

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Every day it is made more clear that I am no longer the center of his world. Instead he has created his own: a magical place where tool-tote-ing dragons blow dandelions and mommies aren't (always) allowed. It is in this world where Grayson will, over time, construct his wings.


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I cannot believe that once upon a time, I held in my body, something so small. A magic bean I knew would grow, but not this fast. Into a child I knew I would love, but nowhere near this much.

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He might as well be a thousand feet high, the way I look at him now. The way I know I will always look at him -- winding like a beanstalk up and into the clouds. Growing up and farther away, my love expanding like the universe around him as his eyes fill with stars.

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