For some reason I had this weird rule in my head that I need a photo with every post. When did that happen? And like if I don't, I won't have inspiration any other way.
Or maybe I just use it as distraction.
So that's probably why I sat down here with nothing to say at all....why I've gone for almost an entire month without blogging. Plenty I wish I could say, but I can't. That and the fact that my computer caught yet another virus so I didn't have the means to blog for a few weeks anyhow.
I'm tired of the small talk.
Why am I so hard on myself for not posting Rylee's 8 month post on the right day?? I haven't even written it yet. I'm also tired of telling Gray to stop calling Ry names that start with poop and I want Harlow to stop waking up every.single.morning. at 5:50 because she's hungry, and I want Kevin to just once, not hit the snooze button 547 times. I want to cease the examining of everything they do, thinking it's because of something I've done to make them this way, or that. Or what I'm turning them into.
We have so many good days. SO many. Maybe that's why the bads come as more of a shock. I don't know. Because it can deceive my mind into erasing when I do get it right and only focusing on what I get wrong. And I am an optimist, so I don't let on, I don't speak it out, and I certainly don't write it out, and instead hoard it within.
And maybe it's what we do, we all walk around with small talk on our sleeves and our hearts coffin-ed somewhere deep; we distract and are distracted and we make fun of anyone that makes us uncomfortable.
Because we think that's how it's supposed to be.
I'll be back to normal in a few.
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