Venting a Latte

So....I had to work last night and I would just like to say:

Restaurants are not a natural habitat for children. Dining establishments should never be mistaken for day cares. I don't care where it is- white tablecloth and crystal wine glasses or plastic boothed buffets- no one wants to see or hear your crotchlings running races in the aisles as servers carrying beverage trays of SCALDING HOT white chocolate caramel lattes and Godiva cheesecake dodge them.

I appreciate you want family time. I'm a mom, too. However, learning begins at home. Suck it up, get your face out of that plate of chicken and biscuits and tie your howler monkey's tail to the chair. If those avocado egg rolls are that important, get them to go and spare us your spawn.

If it cries, screams, howls, or begs for attention, that should be YOUR clue that you have failed as a parent. Go back two spaces and start over in teaching your child to sit down, shut up, and behave in public. You should NOT shove video games or action figures in their faces. And I would think twice, maybe even three times, about asking your sweet, stressed out server for yet another refill of strawberry lemonade....what is that, like 5 glasses now? We, as Cheesecake Factory employees, are NOT here to chase down your little rug rats and surely did not leave our little angels at home so that we could run our heiny's off to get your little hell spawn more maraschino cherries! It is in your best interest to leave us the fattest tip imaginable- Gratuity Added Or Not- we deserve it.

Furthermore, no child, no matter the age, should be expected to sit through a two hour family reunion drunk-fest with drinks, appetizers, meals, desserts, AND coffee for 15 people. You suck. Get a babysitter.

And finally, you do not need to be running around with small children at 10 p.m. on a Thursday night. Go home. You can return your ungrateful Christmas gifts Saturday. The mall opens at 10 A.M.!